Rihanna to remake The Bodyguard?

March 16, 2009 by Clark 

That sound you can hear is me screaming. My throat hurts, but it had to be done. Here come rumours that Rihanna is going to be starring in a remake of The Bodyguard, that weak, limp, hideous extended music video pretending to be a movie from 1992.

That film starred Whitney Houston as a huge pop star and Kevin Costner as her titular Bodyguard. The soundtrack featured Whitney’s endlessly warbling cover version of ‘I will always love you’, which went on to annoy people for months on end, stretching into years as it became a staple of Valentine’s Day shenanigans.

While her representatives argue that this is all nonsense, Rihanna was apparently considering various scripts before the whole Chris Brown thing went a bit wrong. Taking the lead of Beyonce and, erm, Ashanti, Rihanna looks set to head to the big screen.

I just wish it was in something other than this vomit-inducing nightmare of a film. Surely there is something out there that she could play that doesn’t involve her playing herself with a different name? Stick her in the Nightmare on Elm Street remake, or a sci-fi film, or a serious drama.

Why limit her to playing a singer? Plus,. why remake that thing in the first place? Wasn’t one bad enough? It’s like remaking Heaven’s Gate, only not quite as amusing.

Or, how about she just comes to the UK and gets a role in Hollyoaks or Coronation Street? Just don’t let her on Pop Idol. She may get mistaken for a contestant and get disqualified. Now that would be Must-see TV.

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